Carmen Wilburn

Throughout my high school years, I was someone who fixated on what went wrong instead of what went right. Whether it was a test, game, or a contest, I spent hours replaying my mistakes in my head, focusing on what I could’ve done better. I rarely celebrated the effort I put in or the progress I made. Instead, I was consumed by the idea that anything less than perfect was failure.

Perfectionism makes you believe that success is only defined by flawlessness, and when I didn’t meet those impossibly high standards, I felt like I’d failed. It created an environment where my self-worth was tied to external achievements, and any misstep felt like a personal defeat. The result? Constant self-criticism and an inability to recognize or appreciate my accomplishments.

But somewhere along the way, I realized that this cycle wasn’t serving me. Instead of seeing mistakes as failures, I began to see them as opportunities for growth. I learned to give myself credit for the effort and progress, not just the end result. One key moment in this shift came from my basketball coach telling me, “we’ve just gotta work with what we’ve got”. That simple yet profound statement helped me reframe my mindset. Instead of striving for perfection in every play, I started to focus on what I could do with the tools and skills I had at the moment. It was about progress, not perfection.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a conversation with a student about a speech competition they had participated in. When I asked how it had gone, they told me they had lost. In that moment, I realized that I wasn’t the only one who struggled to see the positive side of things. FFA members, even when you don’t get the outcome you worked hard for, it’s important to celebrate the small victories. Whether it’s improving your skills, learning from the experience, or simply stepping out of your comfort zone, every effort is a win. Progress isn’t always about the final result, it’s about how far you’ve come and what you’ve learned along the way.

“I am not the loudest leader in the room but I will work hard, always put my best foot forward, and make sure everyone feels seen.” 

I remember saying these exact words during officer interviews. I’ve never been the one to raise my voice and take over a room, which is often the image we see when we think of leadership. This stigma was always in the back of my mind throughout high school and left me questioning if I was the best person for the job. 

One of my core values has always been: actions speak louder than words. I am not a loud bubbly person, and I will not pretend to be. At the beginning of my senior year I remember having a conversation with my mom about being a leader for my teammates. I remember her saying, “Be the leader you needed when you were them.” This advice from my mom made me realize that leadership doesn’t always require a loud voice or a commanding presence. Instead, it’s about embodying the qualities you want to see in others and creating an environment where people feel valued and supported.

As the year progressed I found myself assessing my teams. Our basketball and softball teams were inexperienced and low on numbers and confidence. Rather than stepping in and being the leader that takes over and yells, I embraced my quiet nature and was the leader who cared and supported. While we didn’t have winning seasons we created confidence and atmospheres that exceeded our expectations. As I move forward, I carry this lesson with me: being a leader doesn’t mean changing who you are to fit a mold. I can confidently say that embracing my quieter, more personal approach helped me become the leader I’ve always aspired to be. 

You can be a leader, too. Step up and just be you.